You know the joy that come when you first learned how to drive a car. That feeling when you have the steering wheel in hand and you look out to the road in fort of you knowing that there are endless possibilities and directions to go. Such excitement such thrill as you push your foot down on the accelerator watching the needle climb. Nothing to stop you, the only thing holding you back is the G-force.

You know your first love feeling, how nervous you got. How no matter what you seem to do the feeling in your stomach really never went away but it was not that horrible feeling. It was more like a urge some thing that spoke to you. And when you worked up the courage to talk to her a sense of hope and anxious kind of over whelmed the body.

Now try to combine those two feelings. That is what it is like when you first kill some one. Not knowing to feel good at your accomplishment or petrified of what you have done. It is some thing that is not forgotten but is blocked out, so one can continue.

Just like the other two it now becomes something of habit, some thing that one just does. But now one always has to add a little more to get the same the effect, the same rush. There is such ecstasy in the act and that is what makes it scary. It is so had not resist the feeling. You just have to remind your self that you are in control.